If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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