I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
