you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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