420 ftw
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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