For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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