it wasn't lemon gatorade
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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