I could make wine with my vomit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
