Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
