I seem to have left my pride at pride
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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