youre lurking in front of me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
