It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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