i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
