she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
