This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
