If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
