i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
being pregnant is like rehab
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
