I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
