im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
