I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
