just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
