The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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