Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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