Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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