There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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