I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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