its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
