She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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