Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
