Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
