walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
