I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
