for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
