i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
