I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
