hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
