i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
