I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
