While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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I need water and some morals
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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