If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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