this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
