as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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