5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
