We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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