If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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