Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
