i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize