New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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