i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
