I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
