Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
