can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
