I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did i walk over a car last night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
