so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
