All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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