She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
