all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wear drunk well.
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