Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was so not down for the gang bang
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
