The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
