I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
