No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
