Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
