giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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