Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.