when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.