I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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