i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.