So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?