My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment