I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Houston, we have a squirter
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my liver is dry heaving
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
