i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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