Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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