I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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