This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
