You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The air was thick with penises
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
