I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
