so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This baby is an asshole
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
