Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
