Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
