sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
