Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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