Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i think my cat just said my name.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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