garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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